Anyone who knows me has heard me say that therapy is for weak people, and asking for help is a sign of weakness. Bravado, you say? That argument could certainly be made, yes. But it's not valid in my case. For the past sixteen weeks, I saw a therapist - a second year psychology student in a Psy.D. program. My journey to therapy was decades in the making. You might even say it was a lifetime in the making. It has been an interesting and rewarding process to say the least. As a writer, and according to some, a scholar, I would be remiss if I did not chronicle my journey in some way. What follows is what I learned about therapy, mental health, God, and myself.
As I indicated, sitting across from a therapist didn't happen on a whim. Much like visiting a doctor, you need a reason. In other words, something has to be wrong. And whatever is wrong probably didn't develop overnight. Okay, okay, yes, there are occasions where that does happen, but they are the exception, not the norm. It's ironic that many of the issues that plague us later in life all seem to have their roots in childhood - a time of little to no responsibility and living carefree. Parents usually get a lot of the blame, which makes me wonder what I'm doing to my kids that will land them in a therapist's office one day. Hopefully my weekly trips to the shrink's office will somehow bolster my parenting ability and prevent that from happening. We're all imperfect people trying to the best we can. I want to state for the record I love my parents (both deceased) and don't blame them for anything, especially not for my happiness, or lack thereof, poor decisions, or inability to cope with change. Nope, that's all on me. They loved me, taught me right from wrong, and raised me according to biblical principles.
So, what is therapy? Well, it comes in a variety of methods. There is no one size fits all. My therapist met me where I was, something to which I could relate as a former college professor. In the world of higher education, you meet a student where he is and take him as far as his potential, will, and effort will allow in the time given. And that's what he did and did well, by the way. Again, if you know me, you'd know I don't open up to most people and share who I really am. I suspect we're all like that a little. Each week we discussed my reason for being there - something I knew going in the door. Like I said, you need a reason to go. For a while I knew something was wrong. I knew I had bats in the Belfry, as it were. I had been considering going for some time (part of the benefits where I work). One day I received a call from a woman who was trying to contact that department. While I was looking up the number, she commented, "We all need someone to talk to now and then." Call it divine intervention, and I do, but that was my sign. I didn't call right away. I let the idea ferment for a bit. Now sixteen weeks later I'm healed! Okay, just a little joke. You don't get healed at therapy, or cured, and your problems aren't solved. But what does happen, though, is you gain insight to the reason that brought you there. As I commented to my therapist, most people know what's wrong, they see all the pieces of the puzzle, as it were, they just need help putting them together and making sense of them. Enter the therapist.
Mental health is a curious thing. We all take it for granted because we can't see it. Oh, yes, you can see some types of mental disorders fully on display. (And, no, I don't have a mental disorder.) Much like the body, the mind can suffer injury, slight and imperceptible though it may be; but it's still there. It might not present a problem right away. In fact, it might not present a problem for a while. But a minor injury, and perhaps one that reoccurs, can eventually manifest itself in a much more serious problem. As I said, this is quite easy to understand if we are considering physical injury because its symptoms eventually become visual or pronounced in such a way that they cannot be ignored. The mind, however, is a different matter. That broken friendship from childhood, a harsh rebuke from a parent, or adolescent failure might be a one-time injury that cuts deep but never bleeds. Unseen, buried in the back of the mind, it's forgotten - for a time. Soon other memories are added to the mental graveyard and the skeletons quickly pile up. Burial plots become a premium. All the while we ignore the dull, mental ache that haunts us. We slowly drift away from others, believing solace can be found in solitude and that isolation is our friend. What we need is a checkup, an annual visit to ensure everything in our noggin is healthy. But that's not what we do because mental health issues are for people who have problems, people who can't cope, people who are...weak! What I've learned is we are all weak at some point in our lives. We all crave happiness, love, to be appreciated, to matter to someone, and to know our lives have meaning and purpose. Such is the human condition. But if there's something wrong with our mind, which in essence is our very being, than there is something wrong with us. So we live in denial. We avoid the pain and pretend it doesn't exist. But it does!
In a previous post, I wrote about finding your purpose in life. Well, if you're a believer, you have a purpose. And you can't fulfill that purpose if you are not fit - mentally, physically, or spiritually. Okay, I hear you. Yes, some people are not fit or healthy and it is in that lack of health that they serve God. Agreed. For the purposes of this post, though, I am speaking in generalities. In his memoir, In the Arena, Richard Nixon stated he believed there was a direct correlation between physical health and mental health, and I agree. I would also add to that spiritual health. One must be healthy in mind, body, and spirit to be truly healthy. That said, if a person is not mentally healthy, he will have great difficulty fulfilling his God-given purpose. Nothing will shift your focus and derail faster than a mental health issue. Now, let's be clear on the use of the word 'issue.' People are fond of saying things such as "he's got issues," meaning a person is not in his right mind (however that might be defined). A mental health issue does not have to be something extenuating or terminal. Some mental health issues are certainly serious and might require more than therapy. I am not referring to those when I use the term 'issue.' In my application, a mental health issue can be something less innocuous such as anxiety or mild depression, things that can be treated effectively with therapy. The simple reality is life happens to all of us. We're all different, yet at the same time we want many of the same things. We want to be understood. We want to be loved. We want to know our lives have meaning and purpose. Believers all have a purpose in God's kingdom. If we suffer from untreated mental health issues, our great enemy is only too eager to use them against us and prevent us from serving that purpose.
In the end I learned therapy is for the weak - the weak who've been strong too long, the weak who've never asked for help. Much like a weightlifter who has trained to lift heavier and heavier weights in order to grow. At some point he needs a spotter, someone who can assist in lifting a heavier weight, which is necessary for growth. Yes, that huge bodybuilder in the gym, the one who can benchpress three hundred pounds, the strong man, needs to push himself to the point of failure, i.e. weakness, in order to grow. Ironic, isn't it? And to do that, he occasionally needs a spotter - someone who can provide temporary assistance and help lighten the load just enough to make it manageable. Yes, therapy is for the weak. It is for what I like to call the strong-weak. There's a saying about life, "nobody gets out alive." Humorous but true (except for Elijah and Enoch). Sin marred creation. We are part of that creation. Our bodies age and fail. So do our minds. We must actively exercise both in order to have a fulfilling relationship with our Creator and do his will. This requires dedication, discipline, and fellowship with others who can bolster our faith, support our endeavors, and, yes, spot us when necessary so that we can grow and develop in order to fulfill our God-given purpose. Thank you, (anonymous), for being my spotter and allowing me to grow! I will miss our weekly (not weakly) sessions!
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